By Sunda Friedman Tebockhorst, PhD, LPC
“The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.”
This quote from writer Andrew Solomon contains some important wisdom about the nature of the beast we call depression. It is normal to experience sadness, to have days of feeling grumpy or down. We all have days like this, sometimes a few in row. It is normal to feel sad in response to distressing life events – these are the bumps in the road of life, and for most of us, we navigate over the bumps and get on with the life we recognize as ours. However, when the obstacle is not the normal vicissitudes of daily life, but rather a run-in with depression, this can be altogether a different story. Life becomes a foreign and exhausting experience, where it feels like there is no respite and no hope for a more engaged tomorrow. Here are some things to look for if you aren’t sure whether or not you might benefit from help for depression. If you have found that, for more than two weeks or so:
1. Everything is exhausting: the tasks of daily living – getting the mail, taking out the trash, doing the dishes, talking to friends or family – are overwhelming and extraordinarily demanding. If it feels like doing the little things of everyday life is just too much to face, you may be dealing with depression.
2. Everything is annoying: for many people, and this can be especially true for men, who in our culture our discouraged from acknowledging that they feel down or sad, depression shows up as extreme irritability. If you find that you are responding to the other people and events of your life with intractable bouts of extreme irritability not in proportion to the events in question, you may be dealing with depression.
3. Everything is overwhelming: you used to find that life was a pretty comfortable place for you, but now find that even minimal levels of stimulation are overwhelming for you. People in your life talk too much or talk too loud, bright colors are intrusive, any change in plans or routine is unbearable, even music, books or movies you used to enjoy demand too much energy – if this sounds familiar, you may be dealing with depression.
4. Everything is un-interesting: you used to enjoy your hobbies, had activities or events in your life that predictably brought you pleasure, but now, nothing is pleasurable or enjoyable. If food tastes bland, jokes are never funny, you don’t look forward to things you used to, you can’t seem to care what’s going on around you, you may be dealing with depression.
5. Anything could provoke tears: if you find that you cry frequently, sometimes for reasons you don’t understand, or for no reason at all, you may be dealing with depression.
6. Nothing provides relief: if you have come to a place where you feel no hope that things will change or improve, and/or you feel helpless to gain traction and return to a place where life held some pleasures, if a sense of defeat and purposelessness has invaded your daily routine, you may be dealing with depression.
It’s important to note that, if several or all of these things ring true for you, you do not have to just suffer through it. There are effective tools for managing and resolving depression, most notably, therapy and medications. Statistically speaking, the best outcomes in terms of recovery happen when we use both of these approaches together; you will have to find the specific remedy that best suits your particular needs. What’s most important is that you know that you don’t have to keep struggling and you certainly don’t have to accept that this is just the way things are. Depression is an awful monster that can take over people’s lives, whisper horrible things in their ears, and prove a relentless and formidable burden. While you may not know what to do to get rid of this monster if it has invaded your life, you don’t have to do it alone. A skilled therapist can help you move back to a place of vitality and engagement in life. Please – if this describes you or a loved one – know that we as a community of experienced therapists would like to help you begin the work of taking back your life from this monster. There is hope, and there is help. Finding the right therapist can be a great first step.